Is it just me or does anyone else think that Halloween is a complete load of bollocks?

Unless you sell costumes and stupid masks or you own a sweet shop, what’s the fecking point? And in this day and age, is it really such a good idea to let children go knocking on stranger’s doors begging for sweets or money?

Halloween is bollocks.

There are now four more birds with no name after the parents of these little scamps decided it was time for them to get out of the nest box and fend for themselves. They are the brothers and sisters of Bird with No Name.

They still need looking after for a week or two and need help to eat, but they are going to be okay and will turn into fine adult Budgies one day.

Minder.

Arthur Daley, little dodgy maybe, but underneath, he’s alright.

Apparently in America they are soon having a competition and the winner is the man who most people vote for.

It’s called an erection and two men, one called Bush and the other called Kerry have the two best erections in the country. But they cannot be separated in length or girth, so it’s up to the public.

They have spent a while live on TV where they have let everything out and exposed themselves to the whole country, now they are travelling round from state to state letting everyone see, prod and pull their erections in a bid to see who has the best.

Mr Bush is hoping the people vote for his erection as he likes to take his erection into other countries and have a biggest erection competition with their leaders.

In Britain, our very own big dick Tony Blair likes to join in with Bush and show off their massiveness together.

Return in a few days time and I’ll give you the result, it won’t be easy to find out though, so please have patience.

This was bird with no name a few weeks ago; he had four brothers and sisters and was born in the wife's aviary. He is a budgie.

Our eldest daughter Sarah blessed us with three Grandchildren and there is another one on the way. However, I’m worried that our youngest daughter Emma might not do the same after this display tonight.

Shedheads is a great TV programme if you like sheds, I watched it earlier and here is the proof. I like sheds.

Tell you what, if you say you have come across the word sardoodledom today in your everyday life then you talk more bollocks than I do.

sardoodledom

There are some thick bastards in Britain, which will be seen soon when there are figures released for some of the ways people have been injured and/or ended up in hospital throughout the year.

Some you would not believe, here is a few from the end of last year, along with my thoughts:

2,000 people, most of them children, were admitted to hospital after falling out of trees.

Well that’s fair enough, kids clime trees, always have done.

Another 3,000 people were admitted after coming into contact with a non-powered hand tool.

Well they should complain to Ann Summers

Powered lawnmowers landed 369 in hospital.

That makes the case for slabbing the lawn bigger.

2,718 needed medical treatment after striking against or being struck by sports equipment.

I’ll bet they were the fans who sit behind the goals at Wolves.

222 people needed treatment after being bitten by a rat.

That’s easily remedied, move out of London

35 people required medical attention after being bitten or set upon by a crocodile or alligator, venomous snakes and lizards.

Mother in Laws eh?

Another 190 people were hospitalised after coming into contact with plant thorns and spines and sharp leaves.

Sharp fucking leaves?

Four people needed treatment after accidental suffocation and strangulation while in bed.

The mind boggles